Need to resolve a holy war? Just call an American politician!

I think it’s hilarious when American politicians go to the Middle East to try and help solve their problems. Really, contemplate the irony here. Our leaders can’t even balance a checkbook or come to a consensus on how to cut less than one percent from their spending projections, yet they fancy themselves capable of reconciling a holy war that’s been raging since the 700’s. Republicans and Democrats — who actually agree in principle on most issues — can not negotiate about anything, ever, for any reason. And somehow they feel no shame in lecturing Muslims and Jews — who have been disagreeing violently about everything for more than a millennium — about the need to sit down and hammer out their issues with civility and class? These fools in DC would sooner drive the country into bankruptcy and dissolution than give up one ounce of control or political favor and still they don’t hesitate to put “Conflict Resolution Expert” on their resumes.

Our government has only been around for a couple hundred years and they’ve already figured out a way to grind whatever constructive capability it once possessed into the ground. And the folks responsible for it want to offer their services to a religiously fueled land dispute that’s been going on for well over a thousand years? An American politician trying to negotiate a compromise in a 15 centuries old holy war is like a guy who has to call AAA to change a flat tire, being sent to do repairs on a nuclear reactor. In both cases it’s probable that 1) literally any other human being within a 5000 mile radius would be better suited for the job and 2) he’s more likely to leave everyone even more screwed and hopeless than they were before he got there.

You don’t have to be a genius to know that if a war has the words “civil” or “holy” in front of it, it’s best to stay the hell out of it. And certainly it’s the worst possible time to come running in armed to the teeth with shortsighted oversimplifications coated in a complete and utter lack of historical context. After hearing me discuss my foreign policy views people sometimes ask me whose “side” I’m on in the Israeli-Palestinian dispute. Side? What is this, a volleyball tournament? This is the Middle East, buddy, it’s no place for pompoms and pennants.

There have been 5000 sides over 5000 years in that region of the world. I know it’s a lot to ask for, especially on the internet, but can we TRY to appreciate the complexity? This is certainly no place to be a “Democrat” or a “Republican”. Those designations sure haven’t done much to solve any problems here, what the hell do you think they’ll do over there?