Sorry, Easter Bunny, I’m just not that into you

I’m really not down with the Easter Bunny. I’m sort of borderline on Santa Claus, but at least the dude has a fleshed out backstory. He has a wife. He has a personality. I know where he lives, where he operates. I know his method of transportation. I understand his motivations. Sure, he allegedly doesn’t exist, but the myth and tradition bears some slight relevance to the holiday associated with him. 

Now, the Easter Bunny on the other hand, I mean, what the hell? A giant mutant rabbit who shows up on Easter, hides some candy in the living room then disappears? Where does he go? What is he, exactly? What is his interest in Easter? Where does he get the candy? Does he buy in bulk or make it himself? Is he magical or just technologically advanced? Or is he possessed? Maybe he’s from another planet? Are there more of his kind? Does he have any relation to Big Foot? Most importantly, what in the world does he have to do with Jesus Christ rising from the dead to redeem mankind?

Ok, before some snarky know-it-all chimes in, yes I actually know where the whole bunny and egg thing comes from. They are symbols of fertility, commonly used by ancient cultures in their spring celebrations. Christianity, being the world’s first truly universal religion, adopted some of the symbology to communicate its message to pagans. After all, the pagans were right to respect and revere fertility, but wrong to deify it. They did pick up on the spiritual significance of the death and rebirth cycle present in the natural order, but they lacked the fullness of Truth to understand it. In any event, this is all rather complex for children so, despite the anthropology of it all, the Easter Bunny, for all intents and purposes, is just a big random freak.

Given that Easter is the most significant holiday on the Christian calendar, I think I’ll forgo the opportunity to obfuscate its meaning by introducing a demonic bunny sorcerer into the fold. Plus, at a certain age, if your kid still buys the Magic Rabbit routine, I’d be a bit concerned.